Saturday, September 3, 2011

Dear Bossip: My Girlfriend Can’t Accept My Brother’s Sexuality

Dear Bossip,

I don’t see too many men write to you, so hopefully I might be the start of something new. But, anyways, I’m kind of in an odd situation between my brother and my girlfriend.

So, my girl and I have been together for about a year and a half, and she‘s quickly become a family favorite. My family loves her, as she‘s become very close to my mother. But, the problem comes from her disapproval of my younger brother’s lifestyle. My 19-year old brother is a gay man. Before he even came out to the family we had always known and just prepared ourselves for it. My girlfriend was raised in a very religious home and of course disapproves of homosexuality. And of course before he came out to the family we were too. But instead of trying to force something out of him, or try to get religious on him, we just decided to let him make his own choices, and silently accept it. We just treat it as, “it is what it is, no matter what he’s family FIRST.”

On numerous occasions my girlfriend always decides to debate with him about whether he’s living the “right lifestyle.” I’m a pretty laid-back kind of guy and I just don’t like to get into arguments or disagreements and such. But seriously, I’m fed up with it! She’s the woman that I can see myself marrying, but my little brother is ALWAYS gonna be in my life, no matter what his preference is. How do I tell my girl that I think her constant vocal opinions are disrespectful to me? I don’t want to come off rude, and potentially start an argument bigger than this whole situation. I’m just at my fullest level of annoyance and need help on addressing her. – My Brother vs. My Girlfriend

Dear My Brother vs. My Girlfriend,

Uhm, well, let’s see here. Your brother or your girlfriend? Hmmmm. I’m going to bet on your brother, and your girlfriend is either going to have to get with the program, or kick rocks.

This is what I don’t understand. If your family has come to terms with your brother’s sexuality, and you say the family always knew, and was just waiting on him to come forward, then why are you letting a woman, whom you’ve been only dating for a year and half, cause riff in your family? I wish I might let some outside person dictate to me, or my family, and especially get in heated debates with my sibling, and she doesn’t know the entire situation. Chile, back the “F” up and stay in your lane, and place. This doesn’t involve her, and nor should it be her concern. What does his sexuality have to do with her? Why is she making it her personal crusade to tell him how to live his life? Her issues, challenges, and problems are exactly that – her issues, challenges, and problems.

Look, I understand you don’t want to get in the middle of it, but you and your family are already in the middle of it. I’m sure your brother can hold his own with her, but I’m also certain he may feel like a lone warrior as you watch your girlfriend berate, demean, and judge him. He may feel as if you’re not on his side, and pitting with your girlfriend. You definitely don’t want to get on his bad side. Trust me!

Stop sitting by idly and letting it go on if it bothers you. Why are you afraid to speak up and say something to her? If it bothers you that much, and you’re fed up, then just like you wrote in and told me you wish she would stop disrespecting you, your brother, and your family, simply pull her to the side and let her know how you don’t appreciate it. Let her know how you find it rude and uncalled for. Get some balls and man up! He’s your brother! She’s your girlfriend. Look at those statements again, “Your brother. Your girlfriend.” (Giving you the side eye). Don’t get whipped on her box, or perhaps you’re already whipped.

This is the time and moment to start being honest with one another about everything, especially if you see yourself marrying her. If you two cannot come to some level of civility of understanding, compromise, and respect, then it will only fester and you’ll find yourself resenting her and her opinion. And, no, not everyone needs to agree on everything, we can agree to disagree, but if this is causing you to become annoyed, and you find it disrespectful and rude, then stop letting it rile under your skin. Let her know how you feel, why you feel the way you do, and steps to rectify it. SOLUTIONS people!

And, let’s make a correction for the record. Being gay is not a lifestyle. It’s not an option on an application form, and you can check the box. Hip Hop is a lifestyle. Rich is a lifestyle. Poor is a lifestyle. Vegan is a lifestyle. You get my drift? If you and your family always knew your brother was gay, then you know he was born that way, correct? He didn’t just wake up one day and say, “I’m going to be gay. Today, I’m going to start living my life as a gay man.” You’re smarter than that. At least I hope so. – Your Gay Best Friend, Terrance Dean

Hey Bossip Fam, what do you think? Share your opinions and thoughts below!

Also, e-mail all your questions to Your Gay Best Friend, Terrance Dean:

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